If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
