ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
