I'm going to jail i love you
I am midnight drunk by noon
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
