Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
