it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
