After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
