whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
