WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
