well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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