I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
