alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
