its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
