I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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