i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
