Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate