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she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
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