I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Use "feeling words"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.