Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.