Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
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I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We're too hungover to prance.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.