Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
