someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.