Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
