get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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