you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
