i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
