I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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