my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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