his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
