Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
