Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
