PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
