Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she told me i tasted like america
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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