So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
