I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
