If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My orgasm happened in two different decades
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
