I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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