It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
