loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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