hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
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I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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