here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
