Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I touched a dick in church today
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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