She said her name was "party"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
