my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
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