she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
