he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
