i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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