u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
