i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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