She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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