The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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