nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
