Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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