He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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