distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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