and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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