I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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