is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
