i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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