Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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