life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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