my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
