if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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