it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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