It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
