I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
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I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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