YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
