then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
