Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
