Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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