I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
