Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
