you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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