I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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