i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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