Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
