before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
