Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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