She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
