i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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