I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Terrible idea I love it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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