Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
