if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
