I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
