my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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