Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
